Procedure In The Event Of A Viking Raid

This came from a friend's web site. I don't know who wrote it, but it's sick enough to twirl my propeller, so here it is. Enjoy.

Since the decline of the Carolingian Empire in the 10th century, NASA Ames Research Center has been subject to periodic raids by Viking marauders. These marauders generally attack in search of gold, religious icons, and other forms of plunder. The NASA Ames Barbarian Affairs Office has established the following procedures for defense against Viking raids:

Defense Against Viking Raids

1.0 Complete a DAVR-820AD - 'Identifying a Barbarian Attack' - to determine if the visitors are Viking raiders.

1.1 Are the strangers wearing weapons, helmets, and armor?

1.2 Do the strangers lack trade goods or other evidence that they might only be peaceful merchants?

1.3 Do the strangers have NASA Ames visitor ID badges?

1.31 If so, do these badges identify the visitors as Viking raiders?

2.0 Fill out Viking Raid Logbook in Division Office.

3.0 Complete a DAVR-1066AD - 'Report of Viking Raid'

3.1 Section I - Identity of the attackers

3.11 Nationality (if not Norwegian, Swedish, Danish, or Frisian check 'Other').

3.12 Name of leader (with family and clan names.)

3.13 Under 'Religion' check 'Pagan' or 'Converted'.

3.2 Section II - Program Office Review

3.21 Check 'Unclassified'.

3.22 Originating NASA Organization (NASA Ames Research Center/SST).

3.23 Type in Division Chief.

3.24 Type in Mail Code under 'Office Code'.

3.25 Type in Mail Code under 'Program Office Code'.

3.3 Write cover letter to NASA Headquarters.

4.0 Assemble the DAVR-1066AD package. Separate and assemble the DAVR-1066AD with four (4) copies of cover letter as follows:

4.1 First Page (white) - attach cover letter to the back. On the side write: DO/218-2.

4.2 Second Page (green) - attach cover letter to the back. On the side write: S/200-7.

4.3 Third Page (pink) - attach cover letter to the back. On the side write: SS/245-1.

4.4 Fourth Page (yellow) - attach cover letter to the back. On the side write Branch Code and Mail Stop (SST/245-3).

5.0 Finish DAVR-820AD - staple copies of letter to Headquarters (Step 3.3) to the back.

6.0 Forward DAVR-820AD and DAVR-1066AD package to Division Office for signatures.

6.1 Division Chief will forward DAVR-820AD and letters to secretary to file in author's file.

6.2 Division Office will sign DAVR-1066AD, date all copies, and forward them as follows:

6.21 Original: to Document Control Clerk.

6.22 Others: to Branch and Directorate Offices.

7.0 Take refuge in the hills until the raiders are gone.


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